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This is a story about
how I became a Christian.
One day while I was
lieing on the sunny sand by the sea something very unusual happened
that I will remember for as long as I live. Suddenly, I don't
remember exactly when, but I heard God's voice. That voice was
gentle like a breeze and strong like a deep thought. Repeatedly it
said to me: My son, swim by the golden coast, there where the water
is clear and where you can see the bottom! That probably ment not to
go far from the coast, not anywhere where the road is not clear,
where I could feel fear and doubt, unrest and anxiety. The warning
was not clear considering that I was only sunbathing and wanted to
swim. I was really in love with the sea and I could not realize that
this sunny beach could bring me something unpleasant. After a short
nap on the sand I stood up and went towards the sea. The water
caressed me with its freshness and the magic of its world that I
surrendered completely and let me be shaped and taken by the waves.
Exposed to a pleasant heat of July I was lieing on the water with my
arms spread wide, as if I was crucified. Yes, I was really crucified
and immersed into the beauty. At first I did not think anything, but
later I dozed off. In fact, I could say it was not dozing off, but
meditative dreaming in which I was dreaming I suddenly became a
king. It was charmingly to think of yourself as a king to who all
gates open and who can buy and get anything he wants in this world.
As king Dionysius I shouted: This is all mine, the waves are my
servants, and the sea is my carriage. There is no one above me, or
near me ... Who can be happier than the king? In the meantime, while
I was dreaming my pleasant king dream, the water took me where it
wanted, and I did not think it took me to the dark blue infinity.
When I opened my eyes I could not see the bottom, and looking down
everything was so dark, untransparent and cold. Then I felt real
solitude. I was left alone and my dream disappered. Isn't that
something God's voice warned me about? No, I thought, God spoke to
me about something symbolic, if that was His voice at all. Not long
after that, I was even more scared, because far around me there was
a shark circulating. My heart squeezed of dispair, so in panic I
started swimming back. Oh God, how far is the land! I swam so
quickly, as quickly as my heart was beating, but in vain. The
monster was quicker and stronger than me, caught me by my foot and
cut a piece. I did not know how big the piece was, only I saw the
monster dive into the dark blue infinity. Between me and the monster
there was a cry and a bloody trace. My competing, challenging and
running away from the beast, turned to sreaming of pain. From that
moment I did not remember anything. In the accident that happened I
know I could pass even worse. I was floating for some time
unconsciously, and my previous cries attracted the fishermen with a
boat, who helped me to reach the coast alive. I lost a lot of blood,
but still when I came to the hospital I was feeling better. The
doctor told me I would have to take prosthetic device, but
everything would turn out fine. While my wound was healing, I did
not have peace and I asked myself more and more raving questions:
Why did it have to happen to me and how could a shark come there
when in the area there are normally no sharks. It is true that the
fishermen sometimes told stories about how they saw a shark in the
port, but later it turned out it was actually a dolphin. You don't
have any idea how it felt to wake up and see myself in bloody white
bandages, completely aware that I lost a part of my body for ever. I
will never be able to run again, and who knows if I'll be able to
swim. Overcome by these feelings of guilt and hatred I was thinking
only about one thing; revenge. I decided to kill a shark. I took my
father's rifle and several days after I left the hospital I took a
boat and sailed out. I was looking for the shark, but it did not
come. I decided to mislead it and tame as the matadors tame bulls in
the arena. My red cloth was fresh beef that I bought at the
butcher's. Attracted by the smell of blood my enemy came. I did not
wait for long to get five minutes of justice. I killed it. Far away
I could still hear the sound of my rifle. Beng! Beng! Beng! After
that there was silence. The sea turned violet because of the blood,
and I was happy. Not long after that I asked myself: Am I really
happy? No, my soul was empty, I concluded. I felt strange about the
feeling of solitude and misery, now that I celebrate the victory of
killing my killer. While I was haunted by anxiety, from south,
through the sounds of waves and the breeze, I heard again God's
voice. Why are you doing all this, Dionysius?
Because I don't have peace, I answered. I feel clumsy because of the
wound and pain brought by the beast.
But, God said again:
Forgive yourself, forgive the sea and forgive the shark who was
hungry as you are hungry now.
I am not hungry, but
full of anxiety, my God.
That's the same. You
are hungry for love, peace and happiness. That is kind of hunger
that haunts you as well as it haunts the shark when he is hungry.
I know, God that I am
guilty and that I am a sinner. While I was sunbathing you told me to
open my eyes, not to dream and not ot travel far away, but I did not
understand. I did not listen to you, because my fantacies about my
own kingdom took me far. I let myself to them completely.
Yes, you became a
slave of your own thoughts, and they parted you from natural feeling
of freedom. You created your own idea about the sea and wanted to
become its artist and king, but in a cruel way you realized it would
never be your kingdom.
Just a minute, God, I
don't understand what it means to go far from natural feeling of
freedom? - I asked.
Freedom and duty are
connected, and not separated. A shark swims and eats out of duty
that he has as a beast, and he has no blame for it. Duty of a man is
to be a man, and not to think to be somebody else in a service that
was not given to him. - said God.
Does it mean that a
man has to give up his fantasy? If, yes, how can he enjoy living?
No, you haven't
understood that you already have one kingdom that won't be taken
away from you and that's why you don't have to yearn for somebody
else's. It is not necessary, because your kingdom is not the sea,
nor the stars, nor the people, nor functions, nor anything created
and born. Your kingdom is your heart, in fact your soul that I
created for you. You do not realize how much there is in your
unrepeatable original. Oh, do you know that I always hear the
heartbeat of your heart? How come, and why, God, did you let me be
unhappy and left to thoughts that could take me to death?
That was always so,
because whenever I knocked at the door of your heart, it was closed,
or you were absent. Therefore, you could not hear my warnings, nor
read the messages that I left.
In the end, God told me something else that deeply touched me, and
since then I decided to listen His voice till the end of my life.
I told you long ago:
The truth will liberate you! So, always look into it, listen to it,
look for it in the eyes, hands, and all your senses. Look for it
with your reason and your will without which you'll fall asleep
again. Beware that fallacy became the truth. Accept the Holy Spirit
who is your defender. Call Him and He will come. Trust me, because
only with me you can become a king in the eternal kingdom that
starts now in your heart. |
